In “The Heart of Domestic Abuse”, Chris Moles urges us to view domestic abuse as a problem that lies within the heart of the abuser. Chris teaches us that until the abuser acknowledges that the problem in the marriage is a heart problem, reconciliation will not be possible.
Chris clearly shows in this book that many tend to blame the victim in domestic abuse. He tells us that a shepherd should never blame the sheep. If the shepherd were to blame the sheep, it would look something like this:
“Come on sheep, stop looking so delicious.”
“Try your best to avoid the wolves.”
“Well, you know wolves will be wolves.”
All of the above statements, and any variations on them, are victim blaming. They should never be uttered to a victim. The victim is the sheep in need of protection, and we must address the behavior of the wolves first, not the sheep.
Chris is uniquely qualified to write about this topic, as he has worked with many domestic abusers in his life, and in doing so, has received many windows into abusers’ hearts. In one of the chapters, he lays out for us the danger of self-worship and pride in the heart of the abuser. In another chapter, he gives some examples of what the fruit of a violent heart will look like. Chris then writes about the powerful provisions of the Gospel in situations of domestic abuse. He speaks of how he walks with an abuser through a process of changing the abuser’s thinking from “pride to humility or from violence to gentleness…emphasizing the need to trust in the character and work of Christ.” Chris also speaks in his book about the hope that there is for a violent man.
Throughout the book, Chris presents case studies for the reader, along with questions to ponder about each case, and his own thoughts about the case.
I would highly recommend this book to pastors, elders, family members of the abuser/victim, or any other person seeking a clear, Biblical understanding of what domestic abuse entails. This is a valuable resource to have as you seek to understand what is going on when a marriage is struggling because of one person’s malicious and controlling actions.
-reviewed by one of our domestic abuse advocates
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